When will I see my picture in the papers

Warning: this blog post is a rant. It's my opinion, I don't expect you to agree. In fact, differences of opinion are what give the world colour and vibrancy. So, please, no screamers!

So what is it that irks me so? I'll tell you what; fame-hungry celebrities who take us for mugs, that's what.

First up for a bit of Peewii treatment: Sharon Osborne. Possibly one of the most insincere people on the planet. I used to be a fan, don't get me wrong, used to think she was a strong, sassy woman. Wrong! Here's a woman who, let's face it, doesn't have much to say. In fact, let me say it for her "I used to be fat so had loads of surgery, my Dad was a thug, Ozzy tried to kill me, I wet myself a lot". The End. There is no more to say but dear old Shaz periodically wheels out the story whenever she needs the publicity. Or writes a book about it. Or appears on some chat show talking about it. Note to Sharon: Heard ya the first time love. Run along now, not interested.

Next on the list: Madonna. Again, I used to be fan, I have..oh, erm...2 of her CD's. The High Priestess of Pop, the Queen of Reinvention.....now though, a little more like Lola the showgirl in Barry Manilow's Copacabana. She's old hat. Did I just hear a sharp intake of collective breaths? Ok, she's a very creative and talented woman but I find her just a little boring, her songs are full of so-called messages about who cares what and she is the queen of double standards. And it's this that I find so irksome. This woman, with emphasis on the 'man', will do anything to keep herself in the public eye and she has more faces than the town hall clock! Here she is preaching about saving the world and being good, upright citizens whilst gyrating about on stage with her legs around her ears and screaming 'motherf*****' at her audiences despite knowing that there are children watching. Oh but it's ok cos it's 'art' and what do we know about that? She seems to have forgotten her tacky past and the fact that she sold her soul to the devil a long time ago in return for fame and fortune. Note to Madge: Close your legs. And your mouth. And try smiling once in a while. Oh and by the way, old Beelzebub will want payback sooner or later.

Which leads me nicely to all pop stars who use their talents to bully the rest of us. Step forward Bono and Sir Bob 'give us your effing money' Geldof. Ok so I know that charities need publicity and of course, they need someone in the public eye to do it for them to raise awareness etc, I know that. But get this, I'LL choose for myself which ones to support and which political group to show allegiance to. Fancy that eh? I can make up my own mind. Really. Good isn't it? I don't want to hear messages in your songs Mr Bono, I just like music that sounds good, makes me want to sing along and tap my feet. When I want politics I'll seek it out myself cos, believe it or not, I know where to look. Note to all in this category: give them your own effing money. Pay off the third world debt whilst you're at it.

Finally: Twidiots. So, these are people on Twitter who have gazillions of followers but can't find a little corner of themselves to follow back. These people are saying 'listen to me Twitterati, but I ain't in the least interested in anything you have to say'. Now there are one or two that I can forgive but most I can't. There is one in particular who really got up my nose. Shall I name and shame? OK then. @IJustine. This woman is an ego ball. She claims 'I am the internet'. She has thousands of followers and for a time I was one of them. I waited patiently for her to return the compliment but she never did. Then one day came the mother of all tweets from @IJustine the internet. It said 'sitting in a chair'. Now I know the question is 'what are you doing?' but seriously!! Does she really think that she is so interesting? That we are all hanging off her every tweet? That we give a sh*t? Unfollow. Note to @IJustine: You ain't no internet love. And you can get up out of your chair now. Why don't you tweet it?

So, if you're a singer please just sing; an actor, please just act; a politician, please just, erm, politish; a tweeter, follow and be followed back (unless you're a spammer or just plain filth).

And I'll get my own opinion from the opinion shop next time I'm passing.