I'm so angry. I need to get it off my chest. I can't promise a curse-free blog post so if you don't like swearing please exit now. Go on, click the red cross, I'll wait............... Bye.....
Have they gone? Right!
Who the f*ck (oh ok, I can't bring myself to type swear-words in full), but who the f*ck do some so-called celebrities think they are??? Yes I'm talking about you lot who've signed a petition at the 'injustice' done to Roman Gobshite Polanski!!! How dare they say it doesn't matter what he did! How dare they! Does crime not count if you're famous? Being famous just means that you do a job that is in the public eye; it does not mean the rest of us have to give up the best seats for you; it does not mean that we should address you differently. It absolutely does not mean you are above the law and it NEVER means you are a better person. And it doesn't make you right. So please, Woody Allen, Whoopi Goldberg and all the rest of you a*seh*les, take your petitions and p*ss off. He's committed a heinous crime, let him pay! And anyway, how can we take someone seriously who was named after a farting cushion?
Benetton. I hate Benetton. I have never - and will never - own a piece of Benetton clothing. Why? Because when I buy something I want to know about the product, I want your ads to tell me how good it is, why I can't live without it, how your materials are ethically sourced, it's fantastic quality. I don't want to see a man dying of AIDS. I don't want a f*cking lesson in 'we're all the same on the inside' from you thanks very much. I don't want to see a billboard with bloodied hearts on it, despite the fact that said hearts are all the same even though they came from black, white, yellow and pink people. Actually I'm not sure about the pink, maybe the fourth colour was orange. No matter. And it doesn't mean I don't get your message. You don't have to be an arty farty, sandal-wearing new age hippie to get it you know. It doesn't even mean I don't agree with it. I do. I just don't want a pullover seller to preach to me thanks. So take your life lessons and sod off.
Npower. You can stop knocking on my door. I will never switch to you as my energy supplier even if you gave it to me for free. Your salesmen stand on my doorstep - well, used to. Now they get 'Are you from Npower? No thanks'. So they used to stand on my doorstep doing that infuriating sucking-air-through-teeth thing. 'Have you had your letter?' *suck* 'You mean you don't know that you're going to be charged 8.67p per calorific wattage per therm and we only charge 8.6p?' *suck* Actually, I'm not quite sure it was exactly that but it was stuff I didn't understand. Then they make you feel stupid for not being able to decipher your energy bills. No-one can decipher their energy bills!!!! Anyway, that's not my point. My point is I hate when people try to sell me something on the strength of what their competitors can't do. If there's a sure-fire way of killing the sale with me, tell me how sh*te your competitors are and I'll shut the door in your face! Same with politicians. If your pitch on the party political broadcast is based on your opponents shortcomings I have zero respect for you.
MOBO awards. Well, let me ask you something. How would you feel if I suggested that we should start having MOWO awards? Ok, ok no need to throw stuff! Feels uncomfortable doesn't it? Why, in 2009, are we segregating? All music is a matter of taste. And it wouldn't do if we all agreed what was good, bad, ugly. But the MOBO thing annoys me. It annoys me in the same way that expecting a black person to give up their seat on a bus for a white person would annoy me. And I honestly believe that all the right-on DJ's and people in the music industry are all just a little afraid of saying the same thing. So they do an 'Emperor's New Clothes' instead. Let's scrap MOBO and just celebrate all music, no matter where it came from. Except Coldplay. Ugh!
So, that's me done for now. Thanks for allowing me to share my venom with you.
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